TRENDING: Peter Kay is back for two live shows in August Read More

TRENDING: Another classic comedy slapped with ‘offensive’ tag Read More

TRENDING: Ricky Gervais confirms filming start date for third series of After Life Read More

TRENDING: Archie Lyndhurst’s girlfriend shares an emotional post on their special 2nd anniversary Read More

TRENDING: Only Fools and Horses’ Raquel actress dated on-screen son for several years Read More

Boris Johnson’s new Tier 20 plans for Lockdown 4.0 cause outrage

March 30, 2021
35

Boris Johnson is set to take the UK coronavirus lockdown to another level, after passing a new law which will see members of the public strapped into their own beds, bringing new meaning to the word ‘lockdown’.

The new tier 20 approach has been introduced in an attempt to curb the excessive abuse of people opening their doors, breathing in fresh air, taking in Amazon parcels and eating excessively. It is for the latter reason that this is also backed by the governments Chief Medical Officer and included on the latest NHS bill of rights, with a secondary goal in tackling obesity.

With UK residents clawing at the walls (and the proverbial packets of walkers in their cupboards), it isn’t exactly news that has been met with excitement. Not only are the outdoors off limits, so too are the biscuit tins.

Other Stories
Another classic comedy slapped with ‘offensive’ tag
Luther’s friend circle “doesn’t feel authentic” according to the BBC

Chris P. Bacon from Fryup in North Yorkshire, is one such unhappy COVID lockdown victim who had these words to say,

“It’s just a disgrace that we can’t even go to the shops anymore, all we were doing was buying our groceries, was it really that problematic. If they want us to spend less time in there, then make things more expensive. 35p for a packet of custard creams, you’d be a fool not to.”

Read More
Ricky Gervais confirms filming start date for third series of After Life

The chief medical officer however was in favour of the new ruling, eluding to the fact that people being in shops, were simply catching more than just COVID-19 from one another.

“They are anywhere and everywhere, wherever you look, Fatties. Never mind the masks and the risk of COVID, these people are literally making each other fat and we need to take this seriously. We can’t have this getting out of control as well, we are extremely close to pandemic number 2.”

The ministers statements have further fuelled the fire in an already raging population, whom have previously been locked down several times over the past 12 months.

The CMO went on to say, “If we don’t act now, soon we will be replacing all supermarket doors and having to bring in fleets of forklift trucks just to get the bigger ones in and out. It’s just not sustainable.”

Despite the labour party’s natural opposition to the Conservative’s handling of the COVID-19 outbreak in the UK, they are in agreement that further controls are warranted here, and welcomed the news.

“We don’t really believe this government were on the blocks from the get go, but this is a welcome step in the right direction.”

“Let’s face it, if everyone else had been on the running blocks some time back, and not on the phone to dominos pizza, then we wouldn’t be having these discussions.”

Other Stories
Archie Lyndhurst’s girlfriend shares an emotional post on their special 2nd anniversary
Lost series of Bottom never saw the light of day
Only Fools and Horses’ Raquel actress dated on-screen son for several years
Woman shares her genius trick for when you want to hang up on someone without seeming rude
Scientists study proves the best method to make the perfect cup of tea

The Prime Minister wasn’t available to speak as he clambered out of his limousine while on his way to a cobra-Kai meeting (sponsored by Netflix).

One eagle eyed viewer spotted an empty Dorito bag tumbling out of the door along with the UK leader, so we don’t suppose he will be putting himself into tier 20.

Surely he fits the profile, but what do we know… we’re not bitter or anything…

Whatever…

Fatty fat fat leader fat.

DISCLAIMER: None of this is true, any of it… If you believe that then there is something seriously wrong with you… It’s satire… Comedy… Get over it… Now where are those biscuits!

If you’d like to see more of this… then… you know… down below in the comments!

Share on Socials
TypicallyBritish

About Author TypicallyBritish

I love tootsie roll dragée bonbon croisnt.Chupa chups loream sesame snaps jelly tiramisu Cupcake ipsum dolor sit amet souffl.

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Top Stories
Friday Night dinner star Paul Ritter has died aged 54
The BBC are launching an investigation into Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em
Ricky Gervais rips the ‘Prophet Mohammed’ protestors in classic Ricky style after school teacher incident
Catherine Tate’s Nan is back for a special sketch with legendary actor
Rik Mayall’s son Sid is in a comedy film with Nigel Planner, Johnny Vegas and Harry Enfield
Vicar of Dibley star dies aged 89
The BBC will take out the following ‘offensive’ remarks made by Major Gowen in Fawlty Towers
Sir Billy Connolly’s first ever autobiography is coming out: Everything you need to know including date release
After Life season three is coming back
John Challis reveals his favourite Only Fools scene and what it’s like working with Sir David Jason
Sir Billy Connolly oozes coolness receiving second jab whilst his wife reacts with delight
Ricky Gervais praises Leonardo DiCaprio but has a pop at Tom Hanks